THE FUTURE

Just got done watching some science show about what the earth will be like in the future. Think it was on Discovery channel.

Anyway, it got me to thinking of the future. When I think of the future, I don't imagine Captain Kirk or Chewbacca or robots that do your homework and cook you a chicken, or hover crafts that drive automatically..

I think of women like the ones above.

In my mind's vision of the future, all women will wear outfits such as the ones pictured above. Latex, Spandex, Lycra, whatever they want, as long as it is tight. They will all have asses like that as well.

Man, the future is gonna kick ass!

Sexy Tattoos

With the arrival of warm weather, I have been seeing the ladies wearing less and less clothing. Cutoff shirts, shorts, tank tops -- I am lovin it. And with this warm weather attire, I have been seeing more and more tattoos. I think everyone is getting a tattoo.

Anyway, I dont know what it is about a hottie with a tattoo, but it drives me crazy!!!! God Bless you all!!

Free Advice Saturdays

Tonight, I went to a friends house to watch the De la Hoya-Mayweather fight. It was pretty fun. A guys night out if you will. Just a bunch of guys, beer, cards, and sports.

This one guy related an interesting story to the group and I, being the advice guy that I am, had to put in my two cents worth.

So, here we are, Free advice Saturdays. If any of you guys are in this situation, hope this info helps you out. I am going to write this one in a question and answer format, to make it more like that ask Dr. Ruth column.

So, here is this guys situation: He's been dating this girl for about 6 months, and when she took him home to meet her mother, he was instantly attracted to her. She's 53 and incredibly hot. Also, she's been giving him those flirtatious signs, and now he has gotten this incredible urge to bang her. He wanted to know if this was normal, is he a sick perv, or should he go for it.

My response: Beware the elder pussy. Not that there aren't a lot of scintillating older women in this world. God knows that nothing conjures more evil thoughts in my loins than the sight of a forty-something mom with a tramp stamp on her lower back, trying to snake her ass into the same skinny jeans as her teenage daughter. And there are a lot of older women out there I would gladly hop in the sack with for a wild romp. Many times, the older, more experienced ladies are the best in bed. I love MILF's.

But your situation if very different. For one, you are dating her daughter. Secondly, you have the father/husband to deal with. And third, you are only 24 years old and your girl friend is 22. Let's break this down.

For one thing, you're gonna risk losing your young and undeniably tight-assed girlfriend for a woman whose ass – no matter how nice it may look in jeans – has got 53 years of mileage on it. Second, you run the risk of having two women want to slice your balls off with a cleaver. And lastly – and this is most important – think of your girl's dad. Bad enough he's already pissed that you're trying to make time with his little girl. If he finds out you're after his wife as well, you may find yourself at the bottom of the Des Moines River. And not in a good way. Roll with the young, my friend.

MILFS

There is so much going on in the world today. Wars, terrorism, freaks shooting people up, gas prices going towards $3.00 a gallon again. What more can this country face!!!

Well, there is something that needs to be addressed. It has been a perplexing topic for several years now, but it is just entering the mainstrean phase of being a phenomenon. I am talking about the MILF!!! Yes, the MILF!!

I'm a MILF purist. Stifler's Mom from American Pie is the original MILF (see pic above), and remains the standard to which all MILF's will be judged. She.was simultaneously blowzy and sultry, her defining quality was the ability to either squish Finch (her much younger admirer) like an ant, or give him the best sex of his life. There's the tension; there's the art. With a MILF, you just never know.

Since then, tacky pop culture has debased the definition. It seems that any woman with a child has been called a MILF. Angelina Jolie, WTF, has been designated one. Listen up, people! Those kids are adopted. This does not count towards MILFdom. A MILF has had kids through either her vagina or through her abdomen (if a c-section). Angelina Jolie is cheating!!

A man should recognize a MILF immediately upon introduction. Marg Helgenberger is one; Cate Blanchett is not. Sharon Stone is; Gwyneth Paltroon....sorry, Paltrow, is not. The only strict definition I'm prepared to issue is that their children should be under nineteen years old, but then I look at Raquel Welch , and figure that I might be wrong there too.

Back here in the real world, the rise of the MILF is unfathomable. The baby boom has given us a cornucopia of delicious moms, and every man worth a pinch wants some.

MILFs: they don't tell, they don't swell, and they're as grateful as hell.
GOD BLESS THE MILFS!!!!!!!

International Skin Flicks

Last night was a boy's poker night. As usual, we got together, played some cards, drank a lot of beer, and talked about sports, sex, and women. The conversation quickly turned to porn.

As many of you know, I was once a purveyor of porn. I have seen my share of Jenna Jameson getting her boobs squirted on or Chasey Lain getting banged by Ron Jeremy and Peter North. Unfortunately, I have not been watching a lot of porn as of late. I don't have time, nor the desire since, after awhile, it all becomes the same.

Anyway, I spent much of the 90's traveling abroad. I have been all over Asia and South America. One thing that these two areas have in common is a plethora of pirated videos, many of them pornos. I have had the good fortune to experience international porn. A couple of the other guys had also spent some time abroad and had seen their fair share of skin flicks from around the world as well.Here are some of our observations.

Thai porn - insufficient breast footage (maybe because there are not too many big breasted chicks in Thailand), Seems very rehearsed and unnatural. Cheap sets. A huge interest in She-Male porn. Much of the mainstream porn included at least the appearance of a transsexual or transvestite.

Indian porn - too much story, too little action; the music was very distracting, It seemed like the actresses were more concerned with actually acting rather than the sex. Like they would be found by some Bollywood producer.

Japanese porn - unhappy pissed off looking girls, odd fetishes. Too many knee-high sock and bukkake issues. Also, lots of bondage

French porn - hairy girls, always trying to look art-house. Nice lingerie and costumes though

German porn - very high quality, very dirty, hot girls. The girls would do anything. They would be peed on, shat on, forced to drink the cum of 20 men. Weird stuff. The Mercedes-Benz of filth.

East Euro porn - even hotter girls, no story or plot, just porn. It went from one scene straight to another. No lead in.

American porn - the gold standard. Thanks to everyone in the San Fernando Valley.

Italian porn - I think Italian porn was the best. The girls were the hottest, the sex scenes were beautifully shot, there was some decent acting, and the settings were elaborate. They treat it like a big time production. Very well done Italy.

My Fetish

"Fetish" is such an over-used iword, especially when used in non-sexual situations. This has really messed up the use of a good word for me. Girls will say "I have a purse fetish." or a "shoe fetish" or something like that. If a girl says she has a shoe fetish, it means one thing. If a guy has a shoe fetish, we all know that it has a TOTALLY different meaning

Anyway, I've decided to admit my fetish...right here for all of you readers. You will learn of my dirty fetish!!

I have a woman fetish. I love to look at women... whether it's tight jeans and a form-fitted shirt, tank tops, bikinis, THONGS, short skirts, long skirts, shorts, capri pants, cut-off blouses, dresses, whatever.... sometimes you can just see the sexiness the woman carries with her. It's sad, really how bad my fetish has become. I'll have lunch with my friend JT (who, like me is a dude) and we'll be talking and a woman will walk by and I'll have a hard time keeping my focus on our conversation. You know, I try sp hard to be subtle, and I think most of the time I am, but there's something about high heels and one of those sexy skirts or form fitting pants on the right girl that is just hard to look away from. I think that most women either know they are hot and get a lot of looks, therefore avoid looking around for fear of seeing the creepy guys that are checking them out, or they are totally oblivious to the fact that they are being admired, both near and far.

There is something to be said about just the sight of a beautiful woman who obviously cares about her looks (not vain....just cares) and is not afraid to leave a little eye candy out there for the rest of us to admire.

Pregnant and Glowing!!!

This is some chick named Katie Price. I guess she is a celeb in the UK. Anyway, she knows how to flaunt it while pregnant.

I don't know why, but I am turned on by pregnant chicks!! I love it. I guess I am a little like Alan on Two and a Half Men. When he was going crazy over the maid's pregnant daughter.

I have two kids, so I have been there. The belly grows and so does my level of horniness. I see a pregnant hottie and wild fantasies run through my head. I think it is the glow that pregnant ladies give off.