Free Advice Fridays

Dear E: Whenever my girlfriend gets drunk, she's all over her roommate. Her roommate's a girl also, which seems pretty cool, but she's sometimes so busy making out with and feeling up her roomie she almost forgets I'm in the room. I used to think it was for show, but she does it even when it's just the three of us hanging out. Should I be nervous that my girlfriend's gonna switch teams on me?

Buddy, the only thing you should be concerned about is that she might start feeling up her roomie and you're not around to see it. Honestly, who the fuck complains that his girlfriend makes out with other hot young women? I know many guys who would kill to be in your position, and most would be trying to find a way to take it all to the next level, scheming some bizarre scenario involving a kiddie pool full of whipped cream, dog leashes, fireworks, leather straps and masks, Crisco oil, cheerleader outfits and a full-on game of "twister." You should be, too. And if you're not taking it upon yourself to film it all to share with your buddies later, then you're not much of a friend at all. Get with the program Dude!!

Doing it on the First Date, Go for It!!

In my opinion, it just cuts to the chase.

Consider this: Relationships aren't all about sex, but that's a big part of it. I mean, you wouldn't date and/or marry someone who wasn't fairly good in bed, correct? Now I know there are a few people that will say "But it is all about love, sex isnt important" I am all for love. It is super important. I would say it is the most important thing. But, for most people, sex is right up there. A relationship with terrible sex is doomed 80% of the time (That is my estimate).

I know of two relationships where they waited until they were married for sex. Both of them ended in divorce. One was because of sex. It was the girl who said she wanted more and better quality, so she started screwing around. The other was a combination of things, but one of them was that the sex was boring. I know there are many relationships in which they have waited to have sex and the relationships survived. And that is great. As for me, I want to test drive the car before buying it, you know what I mean. And it seems most of them women I know feel the same way.

Now, there are certain things about people – let's call them "personal quirks" – that might take a while to reveal themselves. Maybe she likes to pick fights with football players when she's drunk and you have to step in to defend her (And get your ass kicked). Maybe he likes to paint "Yankees 4 Eva" on his ass and sprint naked through the yard after each Yankee victory (Being a Yankee should doom the relationship right there. Frickin Yankees!!). Maybe she keeps voodoo dolls of all her ex-boyfriends in the attic and periodically sticks pins in them. All potential deal breakers – but also the sort of things that don't become apparent 'til a few weeks or months into the relationship. But a bad fuck? You'll be able to spot that sucka the minute you get rolling.

So while some might consider you "slutty" for screwing on the first date, I would prefer to think of you as a cautious consumer, who's simply performing responsible consumerism. Party on!

Free Advice Saturdays (One Day Early)

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Flexible

WOW!!! Do you think she could lick your balls while doing it from behind??

Are there any Redheads out there?

Blondes may have more fun but redheads have more sex, according to new research in Germany.

The study by Hamburg Sex Researcher Professor Dr Werner Habermehl looked at the sex lives of hundreds of German women and compared them with their hair colour.

He said: "The sex lives of women with red hair were clearly more active than those with other hair colour, with more partners and having sex more often than the average. The research shows that the fiery redhead certainly lives up to her reputation."

He added that women who dyed their hair red from another colour were signalling they were looking for a partner, and added: "Even women in a fixed relationship are letting their partners know they are unhappy in the relationship if they dye their hair red. They are saying that they are looking for something better."

Psychologist Christine Baumanns said however that it may not be the women who were to blame for the better sex lives of redheads.

She said: "Red stands for passion and when a man sees a redhead he will think he is dealing with a woman who won't mess around, and gets straight to the point when it comes to sex."

So there you have it. You can rest comfortably assured, now that the scientists have given you solid proof — if you want more sex and maybe even better sex, being a redhead is the way to go, at least in Germany.

Personally, I love all women, no matter their hair color. I have dated every hair color imaginable, and some that aren't (Fuschia and aquablue come to mind). So Redheads, is this true??? What do the blondes and brunettes have to say?

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If You Talk the Talk, You Have to Walk the Walk

So I spent my Saint Patty's Day at a bar with a few buddies and at one point in the evening, I find myself the only guy at a table with six women discussing their blowjob prowess. Not a bad place to be, if I do say so -- beats the hell out of hearing my Aunts Jenny and Sally debating good deals on panty liners. But in my experience --meager as it may be -- the girls who talk a good game aren't typically all that spectacular when it comes down to action.

Rough Sex Facts

I originally posted this as a bulletin, and it was fairly popular. So I decided to put it on my blog so you can see it whenever you want.
I think this is reason enough for everyone to start having wild, crazy, sweaty SEX!!!!!

Giving head....... massages the jaw....while burning 32 calories.

Having nice sex burnes 358 calories.

Having rough sex [make it hurt] burns 543 calories.

Take off her clothes
with her consent...........12 cal
without......................187 cal

Take off her Bra
With two hands.........................8 cal
With one hand.........................12 cal
With mouth.............................85 cal

Put on Protection
hard ...........................6 cal
soft..........................315 cal

Foreplay
Looking for target...................8 cal
Finding G spot .....................92 cal
I don't F***ing care................0 cal

Entry
Holding her................12 cal
On the floor.................8 cal

With Different Position
Missionary............................358 cal
Doggy..................................316 cal
69 lying................................286 cal
69 standing...........................512 cal
Italian hanger........................912 cal

Orgasm
Real................................112 cal
Faking.............................315 cal

After "O"
Lying in Bed.....................................18 cal
Hop off the bed.................................36 cal
Wondering why she left pissed off......816 cal

Get dressed
Quiet and calm...............................................32 cal
Rushing.........................................................98 cal
Heard her boyfriend opening the door.............1218 cal
Heard her dad/2 yr old baby sista at the door..1942 cal

I think I may have burned a few million calories having sex during my lifetime!!!!

Figure out how many calories you have burned.

It Was a Five Martini Afternoon

1998 -- Austin, TX.

It Was a 5 Martini Afternoon

It all started innocently enough. There I was, waking up around noon, hung-over from a rough Saturday night of partying with my buddies. I rolled out of bed and hit the couch to watch some football. Maybe it was basketball, but I'm not really sure.

I had on my patented ripped shorts with the US Soccer patch sewed on the side. Ragged, dirty, they were a complete personification of me at that time. After about 2 hours of good couch time, staring blankly at the tube, I thought some cognitive stimulation was in order, so I called a buddy up and asked him over for a few games of chess.

He and I always have some good chess matches, so he was more than happy to oblige. He came over, and he helped himself to the few beers left in my fridge. Now, one man can't drink alone, and there were only a few beers left in the fridge. With a limited supply of barley and hops, and His satisfaction with them, I had to seek other alternatives.

I had some Gin, some vermouth, and some olives, which, mixed together correctly, makes my favorite of all drinks. A dirty beefeater martini...mmmm, I thought nothing of it as I drank one down. Another drink soon followed as we played a few games.

The liquor was definitely effecting the way I played, and after a few close matches, my buddy said he had to get back to his wife. Marriage, such an out-dated institution of checks and balances. But alas, I nonetheless found myself alone.
I did not feel like stopping, so I kept drinking all by myself. One more martini and another and another. People kept calling and, when I told them what I was doing, they were a bit thrown off by the fact that I was drinking martinis alone on a Sunday afternoon.

Just then, a girl that I had been sleeping with stopped by. I can't say that I was digging her very much, as we never dated, and never really talked, and I really didn't care too much for her at all. She felt the same about me. We had a weird relationship. Purely booty call sex! When one of us was bored and horny and alone, we would call the other. She stopped by every now and then for a little horizontal exercise. She had a great body and was freaky as hell.

So, consumed by alcohol, and not really thinking clearly, I took her into the bedroom and did my thing. Any guy who's had the amount of alcohol that I did can attest to the duration of this process. It was a bit rougher and kinkier because of the alcohol involved, as well as the twisted, warped effect that drinking alone has on the mind, however, as always, a lot of fun. It also helps when there's no feeling involved so you can really treat her like she wants to be treated. This girl wanted me to talk dirty to her, call her a slut, bitch, whore. I kind of felt bad calling her those names, but that is what she wanted. FREAKY!!

Afterwards, I had another martini and watched South Park. No Sunday night can be complete without a viewing of South Park. I can't recall which episode, but I can tell you it was funny.

She still hadn't left yet, so after another drink I took her back into the bedroom for another go-round. The duration of this session was much longer than the previous, and much rougher, but I digress. Without my ability to finish the deed, I had to fake coming so she would stop (Yes, guys fake it sometimes too). She left fully satisfied (or at least she faked like she was.)

But I still wasn't done. I called a buddy up and said that we should check out what going on at Sugar´s that evening. There's no single guy, or should I say any guy in their proper frame of mind, who's going to turn down the strip clubs.

Now, let me tell you this. I was in no shape to be seen in public. Still having not showered for the day and all that's happened I put on a cap and my ragged clothes and headed with him to the strip clubs.

I found out one thing. The same people that are at the strip clubs on every other night are there on Sunday as well. I felt overly dressed, even though I was quite the slob. Did you know that the cash machines there only dispense in $50.00 increments and have a 10 dollar surcharge? Well, the percentages told me to take out $200.00.

There I was, the drunken high-roller that all the ladies love. Throwing money around that I couldn't afford, but damn, it was so much fun. Buying the table drinks (there was only 2 of us, but it cost 15 a round) and the like.... boy, was I having fun. I realized at that time that cash in a strip club is one of the highest status symbols a man can have.

I had big ole knockers in my face left and right and was loving every minute of it. Sure, if I were sober, then things would have felt different, but it was Sunday, I was drunk, and it was fun.

Well, one o'clock rolled around and I turned to my friend, but to my horror, he had left. Apparently, he had told me he had to go, and I told him I was okay. "I was living the high life," he reported me saying.

I reached in my pockets and had about two bucks left. I tried to get cash out, but didn't have enough to cover the surcharge. I was in a predicament I knew not how to get out of.

So, I did what any sensible man would do in my situation. I stood outside and asked if any of the bar patrons were going my way as they walked out. It was cold and drizzling, and I had no coat, was in shorts and t-shirt. You know, looking back, I am certain that drunk people don't make the best decisions.

I thought that more of these fine, upstanding citizens in the strip club would have more than wanted to offer me a ride home, but more often than not, they said no. Kind of like the Walt with women. But after about 10 people turned me down, a nicely dressed gentleman in ripped jeans, a nappy beard, and liquor breath said he was headed my way (he kind of looked like Bens women) He was nice to give me a ride home. The conversation wasn't really the most intriguing, but hey, what do you expect?

I got home about 3, woke up at 7, called in sick to work, went back to sleep and didn't wake up until around 4 in the afternoon.

Hot Sex Warning #2

For those of you who read my Habanero Sex blog. This one is closely related to it. Kind of a similar story with a different girl. This also happened while I lived in Mexico.

This one happened after the habanero incident. I was with this girl in a jacuzzi. We had gone out to a restaurant and had the obligatory chips and salsa. So once again, I had been eating hot peppers, this time chopped up in the salsa. I didnt even think about it.

So, we were in the hot tub messing around. We are getting hot and heavy. I go down on her and also decide to try and give a rim job. She had been begging me to do it and frankly, I thought it was kind of gross. But we had been in the pool at her friends house for about an hour, then snuck off to the hot tub. I figured she was clean. I was also drunk off my ass and horny. These two states and her talking dirty to me in Spanish made me crazy. I probably would have done anything.
Anyway, I am going down on her and lapping up that whole area. She starts to scream. Screams of pain and agony. Once again, I was confused. I had no idea what was going on. She starts cussing me out and slaps me.

Now I start remembering what happened only a year earlier with Claudia. "NO WAY!!! IT CAN'T BE HAPPENING AGAIN" I think to myself. But it was!!! I find out she had gotten a Brazilian Bikini Wax right before we went to dinner. For those who do not know, a Brazilian Wax removes hair from the entire pube region. Front, back, and underneath!!!! The spicy salsa was still in my saliva and it burned the hell out of her sensitive nether regions. Needless to say, we did not have sex that night!!

Sex Klub

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HABANERO SEX --WARNING!!!!

Mexico June 2000



While I was living in Mexico, I started sleeping with this one girl who was smoking hot!!! Problem was she was a little immature and could be annoying. Still, the sex was good and we agreed that it was physical, nothing more.

One night, we had gone to a party at a friends house. Both of us had been drinking extraordinary amounts of beer. Then we started some tequila shots. I had probably consumed at least 12 beers and about 5 shots. She was a drinker too. She easily had 8 or 9 beers and 5 shots also. They had the normal chips, tacos, salsas, etc at the party. It was late and someone came up with the idea to have a habanero pepper eating contest. Habaneros are about 100 times hotter than Jalapenos. In fact, they are one of the hottest peppers in the world.

Of course, I was the only guero there, so everyone wanted to see me involved. They thought I couldnt do it. I popped one in, and I was uncomfortable, but it was tolerable. I bit off half of another one, then popped it in. That was all for me. I almost threw up there. I started chugging more beer to put out the fire.

Fast forward back to my apartment, about 1 hour later:

So Claudia and I are starting to get horny. We go straight to the bedroom when we get home and rip our clothes off. She goes down on me for a few minutes then swings her body over me so I am in position for a 69. That is one of our favorite positions. I start working her over with my tongue, then I start fingering her. Within a minute, I hear this screaming. Not screams of ecstasy, but screams of pain. She is in tears and turns to me and asks if I washed my hands after the habanero contests. I wasnt really sure if I had or not. I just turn to her and say Uh, I may have, why? Now she is yelling IT IS BURNING!!!! AWWWWW IT IS BURNING!!! MY GOD!!!!

I am freaking out now. I thought maybe she had some weird STD or something and it went active right at this moment. Are you ok? I ask. Of course, this was a stupid question since she was obviously in pain, but I was drunk and not thinking.

She starts throwing a string of profanities in Spanish at me and runs to the bathroom. She has woken my roommates up. They pop out of their rooms just in time to see her naked, running into the bathroom. They run into my room and ask what is up. I am totally confused.

While Clau is in the shower, I start piecing things together. Apparently, I had some of the Habanero pepper juice still on my fingers. When I started fingering her, I guess the juice somehow got inside her and it started to burn. I couldnt help but laugh a little, although I felt terrible.

She came out of the shower and saw me laughing. Not good. She cussed at me some more in Spanish, then got her clothes on and left.

PS -- I talked to her the next day and she did forgive me. We continued messing around off and on for about a year. She made me vow never to put this story on my website I had then. I figure since this is myspace and I just started this website, I can put it on here. Besides, I know she doesnt have myspace and it has been like 6 years since this happened. I think the statute of limitations has worn out on this one.

Sex Search

I am completely bored while in a grad school course. The teacher lectures in a monotone that would put a kid with ADD to sleep. MY GOD!!!

So I am messaging my buddies and we were talking about all the stupid porn sites that are popping up on Myspace. I dont know how they do it, but some people have direct links to them. You click to send them a message or add them, or a bulletin and you are directly transported to some "LIVE WEBCAM GIRLS" site or "HOT GIRLS CUMMING FOR YOU" site.

Now, I admit I occasionally check out a porn site or two, but I am not an addict or anything. Anyway, we are messaging about how many porn sites there are and we decide to kill time by doing some research. We each take a term and decide to do a search for that term. There are 4 of us, so we take 4 terms: Sex, porn, fuck, and XXX. We decide to do a search on Google and Yahoo for each term. I get assigned SEX for my homework.

So I start my search on Google. Within 0.05 seconds, I got the results 1 - 10 of about 77,700,000 for sex. This was the result for my search in the category Web. Now let's move on and try out the other categories... in the category Images my search for sex already took a little bit longer (0.06 seconds) and delivered me results 1 - 20 of about 1,960,000 for sex. SafeSearch was off. Ok, next category: Groups. 0.33 seconds and got the results 1 - 10 of 10,700,000 for the keyword sex. Did you realize something? For the categories Web and Images, the results were always "about" - now for the Groups I get the results without any "about". Don't know if that has some sort of major signifigance or not. Let's do our final search for sex now in the category News. Within 0.32 results 1 - 10 of about 50,200 for sex. Now it again "about". So only within the category Groups, the results are exactly? That is weird.

So here is the breakdown for Google:

Web: about 77,700,000 results for sex
Images: about 1,960,000 results for sex
Groups: 10,700,000 results for sex
News: about 50,200 results for sex
But what about Yahoo? Does Yahoo get the same number of results for sex? Let's try it out...

I start again with the Category Web and entered "sex" into the searchmask. 0.01 seconds and I had results 1 - 10 of about 313,000,000 for sex. Let's move on to the category Images. This category gives me results 1 - 20 of about 7,676,451 for sex within 0.04 seconds. On Yahoo we have a new category Video, so I checked this out too: the search took 0.04 seconds and gave me 280,799 results for sex. Another category we didnt have on Google is Directory, which has just 4,299 results for sex. The next one we can compare again: News. Within this category there are 32,100 results for sex. A very interesting one was the last category Shopping. I would have expected at least some results here - but: 0 results for sex. So where are all the sex-shops?!

Here again the results for the keyword sex at Yahoo, of the categories we also have at Google:

Web: about 313,000,000 results for sex
Images: about 7,676,451 results for sex
News: 32,100 results for sex

So in general it seems, for the keyword sex, Yahoo is the winner actually in the categories Web and Images. Google is the winner in the category News.
Of course there are a lot of other search engines out there too - but did not have the time to check 'em out all and Google and Yahoo are my favorite ones, if I am looking for something on the web

Anyway, I am posting my results. I am going to wait and see if my research colleagues did their part. Hopefully, I will get some info from them to post in the near future. We are all in this class, but at different sites. It is a TV type course. Two of the guys couldnt search for their words since it was blocked at the school site they were at. They promise they will get it done tonight.

I guess that is it. Man, I am soooooo bored!!!!!!! If anyone wants any other search comparisons, post them. Maybe I can do some type of research paper on internet sex searches. Maybe we are becoming a perverse society!!!!! ;)

While Her Boyfriend was Watching

This one was written back in January of 2000. It was on my previous website, which has now gone by the wayside. Enjoy!

I'll try to keep this one short. Last Friday, I went out after work with some people that I work with. We were hanging out, having a good time, when this woman that I work with came in with one of her friends. She is attractive and we are friends so I started rapping with her. Well, she had a few drinks and I had a few drinks and they started talking about what they wanted to do next. I had already made plans to go to a strip joint so I asked if they wanted to go. They talked it over and decided it would be fun and that they would go. Well, before we leave the bar, this chick starts coming on to me. At first lots of smiles and stares, but it quickly grew. Before we left, she was all over me.

We went to the strip club and had a few more drinks. I bought her and her friend four or five table dances. Even though both women pretended that the whole thing disgusted them, they never turned away a table dance. I taught them all the moves, like how to look cool in a strip club, how to talk to strippers, and how to place the dollar in the g-string and follow it with a hand lightly down the thigh. We were there for an hour or so when we decided to move the party to a club downtown. This girl was too drunk to drive so I drove her car and my buddy drove her friends car. On the way downtown, I told her that I needed to stop at my place for minute (divide and conquer).

We get to my place and she starts to talk. I'm trying to work my mac when she starts talking about her boyfriend. Boyfriend?? Turns out, unbeknownst to me, that her boyfriend was in the first bar while we were there. He told her that he didn't want to do anything that night, she believed him and went out with her friend. Well, she got really mad when she gets to the bar and her boyfriend is there hanging with his buddies. So how does she get back at him? Read the first paragraph and insert "While her boyfriend was watching" after every sentence. The whole time she is in my place she is telling about how she doesn't like men that play games and that she wants an honest man. I ignored her. All I could think about was how I became a pawn in her head game with her boyfriend.

Roppongi -- Japan's Answer to Bourbon St.

Thought I would start postiing some of my travel adventures. I have been to South America, Central America, Asia, the Middle East, and parts of Africa. I was one of those backpacking crazies right after I graduated from college. This is one I wrote in 1997 after I got back from Asia.

Love it, hate it, loathe it, leave it: Roppongi is undenialibly a people magnet. Perhaps it doesn't attract the most savory of characters, but it cannot be denied that all walks of life rub elbows and more in Roppongi unlike anywhere else in Japan. To me, this is the Asian version of New Orleans' Bourbon Street. Wild, Crazy, Sexy, and Sultry.

What is Roppongi. Roppongi is Tokyo's little den of sin for ready-to-go gaijins and adventurous Japanese. Its humble origins date back to 400 years ago when it was a quiet little temple town with nary a vice to its name. Tragedy seems to be in Roppongi's blood as it has faced ravaging fires, WWII bombs, and drunken foreigners puking all over it during its long questionable past. Its party reputation began a hundred years or so ago, when Japanese soldiers were quartered there and, as it usually happens around young men with money and testosterone to spare, a sordid night-life sprung slowly into life. The US military continued this fine tradition in Roppongi after WWII.

These days, a night in Roppongi can be spent fending off the lusty advances of horny Nigerians, frustrated sailors, and pent up marines, and those are the guys. The girls there are crazy. Some are prostitutes, trolling for their next trick. Other women go there to find a tourist and have a little fling. For the young male out on the prowl, he has to run the alluring but annoying gamut of the massage girls. Shouting: "Massagee! Massagee!", they love to rush out to grab any passing single male and not let go until their victims have either given in or brutally fought them off. There are nightclubs that have nothing but "working women" in them. Then there are the legit clubs where the young and horny crowd go to hook up for free. There are gay clubs, transvestite clubs, clubs for old people. You name it, you can find it.

The night is a friend to Roppongi and its inhabitants of party-goers and pleasure-seekers. The streets are seemingly filled with beautiful people stumbling about in a wonderful haze as they hop from club to club. In rich rolling Nigerian accents, club hawkers call out to the passing crowds inviting them to clubs that promise to be packed with fun and people. Perhaps its the blinding flashing lights, the blaring music, or the alcohol but the insides of the popular clubs do seem to boast a population of the most incredibly good looking charismatic people who simply personify the word "cool".

Some nights, however, just aren't a good time to visit - though some sour critics would say that there is never a good night to visit Roppongi. I went there for the first time on New Years Eve 1996. Nearly the entire crew contingent of the USS Kittyhawk aircraft carrier was there to meet, compete, and throw-up on me. It was wall-to-wall testosterone. Roppongi on that New Year's would have been a lovely place to go if you were female or gay. Unfortunately, I was a single male. Bad Luck!!

I went club hopping with some friends I had met up with. A couple of them were from Japan, the others were Europeans. I got incredibly drunk and had repeated run ins with the Navy Guys. They were being assholes to everyone. I understand they are cooped up on a ship for months at a time, but they need to chill out when they come to shore. They were only looking for poontang or to get in a fight. I did stay out of any fights that night, although I probably saw at least 7 or 8 different fights throughout the night. Around 3 AM, I met some girl at a club and we started dancing. We decided to hook up, but she lived about an hour away and my hotel would not allow foreigners to bring women in (Stupid rule!!!)

Anyway, the Roppongi district has this covered. They have a number of seedy little hotels that rent rooms by the hour for horny party-goers. Being New Years, there was actually a line at most of these. We waited about 25 minutes for a room, and went in and had our fun. We stayed there till about 6:30 AM.

The danger of Roppongi, and there are many, is staying too long. If you do not hook up early and get out of there or you miss your last train, you will be in danger of seeing the horror that is Roppongi in the morning. Although I found my girl, the sun was already peaking over the rooftops when we left the hotel. She went her way and I stumbled to find my way to the subway station.

MY GOD!!! My first thoughts were that I had stepped into a disaster area. The morning is not a friend to Roppongi. In fact, its downright cruel. Daylight hits Roppongi with all the gentleness of a sledgehammer wrapped in barbed wire. Morning shatters all the glamour, egos, and illusions that was given by the night.

In the morning, the beautiful cool people you were just grooving with are suddenly replaced by a bunch of haggard hung-over hags and trolls. Rushing out into the streets doesn't save you either as the streets are choked with packs of shambling, stumbling walking dead. In the shadows, pale party-goers avoid sunlight like quaking vampires by seeking the darker recesses of the subways lest they explode in a noxious cloud of bone and dust. The sidewalk is covered with piss and vomit. The area smells like a sewer.

I stumble to the subway station, all the while holding my sleeve over my nose to block out the noxious fumes. In the bowels of the subway station, the survivors of the night are huddled like war-weary third world refugees as they await the train that will carry them away from this hell. Very few are capable of standing. Most are passed out in theirs or somebody else's filth. Those few who are conscious stare into the void with bleary, blood-shot eyes like shell-shock war veterans who have been too long up at the Front.

I told myself: "Never Again!" as I lurched for the train along with the rest of the wretched masses yearning for escape. Of course, I caved the next night and went straight back to this crazy purgatory of pleasure.

Good ol' Drunk College Sex

This story happened my soph. year at UT. Sept. 1990

There's nothing special about this story except that...IT WAS ONE OF THE LUCKIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE. I do consider myself something of a ladies man. I am not ashamed to admit it. A week ago I was drunk and there were about six drunk girls at my friend Robert's pad. There was this fine blond girl with a nice rack and a blue mini-skirt who I later found out was named Marina and was one of the pom-pom girls for the UT basketball team. JACKPOT!!

Rob told me to go for it and I started trying to make my plan of attack. A girl this hot has been hit on everyway possible. I had to come up with something new. I went to the kitchen to take a couple shots a fucking miracle happened. I walked in and the girl was crying her ass off. Okay, I know, not what you call a Christmas miracle or anything, but I knew this was my chance to play up the nice friendly gentleman card.

I asked her what was wrong and she told me that her boyfriend was fucking some other girl so they broke up a week ago. Being kinda drunk I guess she just broke down so I invited her to take a couple shots with me. We took a shot of JD and vodka and I told her she could hang out in my room until she felt better. She took my advice and I told her I would check on her in like 10 minutes.

When I went in to check on her she was on my computer watching some porn of a blond chick giving a bj that I was jerking it to earlier. What a fucking moron. I left that shit on my queue in Winamp. I ran over, apologized, and reached over to shut it off, but this fine ass drunk girl just turned to me and said "I can do that way better than that."

I bet that she couldn't and after a bit of coaxing she was sucking my cock while I had a bottle of Jim Beam in my hand. Rob knocked on the door in the middle of it to see that we were okay and I yelled that we were sleeping. Then this girl started going wild and asked me to fuck her "as hard as I could." I happily obliged and had some of the best sex I have ever had in my entire young life. The next morning I woke up at around noon and she was gone. I haven't talked to her since, but drunk ass college sex is exactly why I came to school. God damn I need to get laid more.

Courtyard Pool Orgy

This one happened on West Campus in September 1991.Austin, TX

There is a student apartment complex in West Campus called Orange Tree, right by frat row. I was over at a buddy of mine's house drinking with a bunch of people, and we just opened the door so people could go in and out to smoke. In stumble these three trashed sorority pledges (their house is right next door). One's hot, one's cute, the other one looked cute with beer goggles. Talk about easy pickins! My buddy Brett was already talking closely with the hot one, leaving the other two.

About 8-10 drinks later, cute and beer goggles start talking about how much they like to kiss each other. I say jokingly "I'd pay a dollar to see that," to which I got an unexpected "sure!" in reply. At this point I'm pondering how I can best take advantage of these sorostitutes, and quickly add that I'll throw in another buck if I can join in, and they went along with that too. I gave them 2 bucks and started making out with both of them at the same time. At this point many of my friends were pleasantly surprised (and impressed) at this turn of events.

Now, we are all drunk off our asses and I see the girls are getting super horny!! I make my move and I convinced them to get in the pool, at the time inhabited only by one lone couple we didn't know. I was with the two girls and start to finger bang both of them while Brett makes out with the third one. My one friend didn't have one, so I pushed one away and gave her to him. Before you know it, I'm screwing the one I have left, my two friends are with theirs, and the couple in the pool are going at it. This pool is in the dead center of the courtyard, everyone's front doors face it. So as 2:30 rolled around people who were getting home from 6th Street, started walking by and cheering on the orgy in the pool. After the pool orgy, we all parted ways. I took my girl back to my place and we screwed till about 6 am.

I woke up the next morning and remembered the pool event, but I was shocked to find the girl in the apartment. I didnt even remember her name, so I rummaged through her purse that was in the living room and found her drivers license (I didnt want to look like a bad guy). Glad I did. She woke up and had no clue where she was, though she did remember the pool. I dont think she knew my name either and she seemed a little embarrassed cause I kept calling her by her name and she would just call me baby or some other generic name. We took a shower together and screwed again, then I took her home. Best $2 I ever spent, period.

Whacky New Fetish?!?!?!

Every Wednesday night, my buddies and I get together to play some poker and drink a few beers. We usually have between 5 and 7 guys. It is a time to get together and do guy things, which means gambling, drinking, talking about sports, women, and sex. For about 2 or 3 hours, that is our lives.

Anyway, last Wednesday we get together and we start talking about sex and some of the weird things weve done. We are talking about the usually; sex in cars, outdoors, in the shower, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary really.

Then, JR drops a bombshell!!!!! He tells us that sometimes he jacks off and cums on the girl that he is sleeping with. I was shocked at first, but then I figure it must be something he has done once or twice and that is it. He confesses that it is a habit with him. Sometimes, he will wait till the chick falls asleeps, then he masturbrates and shoots his load on the girls clothes or body, etc. According to him, he does it often, and most of the time, the girl wakes up in the morning and doesnt even know he has done it.

We are all sitting there, open mouthed. SHOCKED!!! This just seemed too weird. Then Gary, another player (BTW, these are not the real names since they may be embarrassed by this) tells us he has done that a few times. WHAT THE HELL IS THE WORLD COMING TO???

I guess I can understand if you are hot and heavy and then the girl decided to stop before you finish the deed. Maybe you finish it on your own. Or if she passes out while doin it. I can see that scenario. Or, we discussed the scenario where the girl turns into a psycho-bitch and you shoot a load in her hair after she falls asleep (Ladies, you know how much of a mess that is). But doing that crap on a regular basis?? Weird!!

So the nights poker is ruined as we spend about an hour discussing this topic. We conclude it must be some kind of fetish. I mean why jack-off with a girl lying next to you when you could do it solo. I have done a lot of wild, kinky sex stuff, but I have never jacked off onto a sleeping girl. Hell, I have only jacked off in front of a girl a couple of times and that was because she was hot and begged me to let her watch( and she had to finish the deed).. I guess there are some girls that get super excited watching guys Jack-off

So, I would like to get a little discussion going on this blog. I know I have a lot of readers, but not too many people make comments. Those that do, I thank you and I will try and get a comment back to you. Guys, if you have done this or know someone that has and arent shy about talking about it, post it here.

Girls, if you have had this done to you or suspect someone did this to you, post it here. Lets talk about this. I am going to have to look it up, but we may have discovered a whole new category of fetishes!!!!!!!!!!!

Casual Sex Definitions

Only us overeducated and neurotic Americans can fuck up something simple as casual sex, and all over definitions. So, as a public service, here follows the definitions of some (some is key here) of the sexual liaisons available to the discerning American:

Sex With No Strings. Pretty simple, and to the point - humping. Lots of it. Usually in one session - thus, no strings. In other words, no expectations of future humping, unless a new relationship is negotiated. SWNS means I will not a call you later, I will not meet your parents, and no, you can't sleep over (in my t-shirt no less). This is the traditional One Night Stand, folks, it just doesn't have to start in a bar, nor do you need to be drunk.

Guys, it has been my experience that if you do not just shoot your load, and instantly ask when the next bus runs outside, and you actually act like you care, the lady might reward you with an upgrade to fuck buddy status(see below). This category is often the one that you end up calling later, drunk, horny, and confused. This is also the one that is "use once, throw away". Unless it's so good, you have to go back...usually you can decide this 30 seconds after you cum...then it's upgrade time.

Gals. This is NOT A RELATIONSHIP. STOP telling your girlfriends about the awesome guy you met last night, he's not calling you again. Yes, he used you. You used him right back. Enjoy the power. These are hook ups you don't talk about, nor do you take them around to meet your pals for drinks the next day. You hump, they leave. Simple.

Booty Call: This is someone you've SWNS'ed, or dated. Maybe you were married. Or she is married or dating, or you work together. Or you both are involved with someone else. This is someone you can call anytime, day or night, and chances are, you will get laid. You have one or two of these, right? Everyone does. Anyone who's dating someone else, and it's the first year, dreads these. We all know who are they. We have ours.

Guys and Gals - these happen FROM previous relationships. Stop asking for them, you're putting the horse before the cart. One of the important things here is, A., you know calling them is okay, and vice versa, and B., you know what they're like in bed, they're acceptable to you, and there will be no uncomfortable "surprises" at the door if they come over. Slow it down, Speed Racer, and try SWNS first. And finally, these are the super, super secret ones. Nobody ever knows. Ever. If you tell your current girlfriend/boyfriend, you destroy the relationship AND the bootycall.

Fuck Buddy. These are the fun ones, and the most dangerous. It's about sex - lots of it, and all the time. After work, before work, all weekend, in Tahoe on a ski weekend (fireplace sex is the BEST), and they're allowed to stay over. Can be ongoing, like a booty call, and will be dusted off between relationships. "Funny, I never met HIM the 3 years we dated? Oh, he's one of THOSE." You might even date, go out, show each other off, but once things get personal, you both know it's time to split up, for now. They're the one person who won't get upset if you say "I met someone..." because they did, too.

Guys and gals, warning. These relationships are treacherous. They CAN and do sometimes get real, and the other person rarely agrees it's time to start sharing the bureau and bathroom. Be open, honest, and make sure you're BOTH on the same page, and the kingdom is yours.

However, for the meek at heart, beware. These are the realtionships where fetishes, fanatsies, and pure unadulterated hedonsim occurs, and it's expected. This is the time for her to try drinking the blood from a wound on your lower belly while she jerks you off, because those bloody vampire movies turn her on in a way she's not ready to deal with. This is the time he'll be into trying threesomes, or more. Do not be offended if he wants to share you, you are his favorite toy, and it's a mark of honor that he's comfy with it. Indulge. But if they rock your polite, standard ideas of what sex is a little too hard, be aware you are in far, far over your head, and you need to back off and either date (foolish exercise that it is) or dabble with SWNS, so you can at least escape his/her chamber of horrors.

Yes folks, this is the one where you get your stories. Love them, live them, respect them. You'd both worked hard.

Friends With Benefits. Yes, that one. Okay, some blunt truth. Women tend to abuse this one to try and trap a guy into a relationship, and guys generally confuse this with Fuck Buddy, Booty Call, and Sex With No Strings - and generally all in one night. Guys, these are going to be tough for you, for one reason: the word "friends". These relationships have a very good shot of turning into a real relationship. See "When Harry Met Sally". This is someone you'd probably be dating, anyway, and the only difference is no sex. Adding sex can be tricky, as it moves the relationship into a grey area, of where you're not sure how you feel.

OR

It's someone you trust utterly, who can share this intimacy with you without freaking out on you, and it'll be your shared secret, one that means something. Yes, guys, sex can be meaningful.

This is one where friendship needs to be present first - a strong friendship that can survive the rocky shore of sexual relations. If your friendship is rocky, chaotic, inconstant, and does not have solid communication skills on both sides, mutual trust and respect, it's just a bad idea to begin with, and it will kill your friendship - one that you generally want to cling to, as they count for far more than fleeting sex.

Of all the women I've had offer this to me, very few of them could handle it, and were confusing the intimacy of friendship with something else. Two i accepted, one worked, one didn't, and horribly. The three I offered it to, I knew could, and it was a warm, enjoyable experience we still smile about and hint at when our SO's aren't around. These are good for times of stress or tradgedy, for the lean times between relationships, and while they tend to be more about married sex than the wild, unbridled fuck buddies, it's very, very good - you know each other, it's that much deeper.

Gals: this is a bad way to find a boyfreind. If he's already a freind, that means you don't want to date him, or you're not sure. Make up your mind before plunging in. If you have any feelings for him, and don't admit it up front, it won't go well. Don't dupe a guy - we hate that. Don't lie. You cannot ASK for this with some guy you just met - they are bred during real friendships that happen outside of your nasty little weekend adventures. (You nasty little girl. Bless you.) Asking for a Friends With Benefits too soon screams one thing to me; someone who cannot be honest about what they're looking for, and is using his/her sexuality, or the lure of it, to bypass the hard work of actually meeting someone, getting to know them, and actually relating to them on various levels. You belong in Casual Encounters, but you need to get real - what you need and all you can handle is a SWNS or a fuck buddy, stop trying to trick people with the lure of sex.

Guys: This is trouble for you, for that "friend" word. Yes, it means you have to be a friend, and all that implies. That means she CAN in fact call you when she's weepy, and you have to listen. That means you're NICE to her, and do nice things for her. It may have even occured to her that you really like her, which is why you're friends with her. This is one you introduce to your family, if they don't know her and adore her already, but as just friends - they'll understand later if that changes. It also means that you won't be having sex all the time - you're freinds, remember? That means doing things with her, like going to the store with her, getting her medicine and soup when she's sick, driving her when her car is in the shop...you know the drill. if any of this irks you, you're not being honest about her, and you need to figure out what you're doing, or negotiate for a different status.

Hope this helps! Feel free to rebutt, reject, or rejoinder!

The Mile High Club

A friend of mine and his girlfriend are going on a vacation to Europe in a couple of weeks. He turned to me for some advice. He wanted to know how they could join the mile-high club. I am a card carrying member and he figured maybe I could offer him some tips. I was happy to oblige.

First though, I gotta get a little rant off my chest. Why is it the Mile-High Club?? It isnt like we are doing it in Denver or something. It is on a plane during mid-flight. I think most airlines cruising altitude is between 25,000 and 30,000 feet. That would put it between 5 and 6 miles. Whoever came up with that name is a moron.

Anyway, lets get to the nitty gritty. I am a multiple member of the Mile-High Club. Two times I have done the deed on an airplane. Three times if you include oral sex!!! :)

The first time was coming back from Vegas flying into Dallas. My girl and I were on a late-night redeye. We left Vegas around 11:30. The flight was only a quarter full, if that. There were probably 150 seats and only about 40 passengers. Everyone spread out. We got near the back and had a row of seats to ourselves. We could spread out and rest. Problem was, my girl was a little horny. She started putting her hand in my pants and playing around. So I asked for a blanket, and we used our jackets and she got down there and gave me a tremendous blow-job. Anytime a stewardess or someone would walk down the aisle, I would tap her and she would peak her head out and pretend to be asleep on my lap. After she was done, I put my fingers to work and got her off. It was a pretty satisfying flight for both of us. I still have no clue why we didnt think of going to the bathroom and doing it in there. Oh Well!!!!

The second time was with some girl I had just met. I was traveling around SE Asia for a couple months and had met a girl from the states in Thailand a week before I was to leave. IT must have been a small world cause we found out we were on the same flight back to L.A. We spent that last week together in Thailand, seeing the sights, drinking and partying. But we never had sex while we were there. We made out, messed around a little, but that was it.

We get on the flight and our seats are pretty far apart. I talk a guy into switching with her so we could sit together and the flight wouldnt be so boring. We talked and talked on the flight from Thailand to Singapore. Then we had a layover and we got on our flight from Singapore to LA. It was one of those all night flights. We got into LA around 8 AM, so it was dark and quiet on the flight. Most people fell asleep soon after take off. It was one of those huge 747 planes and we were near the back. There were like 4 or 5 bathrooms in the back.

I was shocked when she asked me if I wanted to join the Mile High Club. Just like that, out of the blue. She said that was something she wanted to do and thought I was a cool guy (See, people think I am cool!!!!) Of course I said Hell Yeah

So she went back to the bathroom first and I watched to see which one she got in. I waited a few minutes, went back and gave a secret knock. Got in there and we went to work. First off, those bathrooms are tiny. You can really only do 3 positions and we did them all. I sat on the toilet and she sat on me, she stood and leaned on the sink and I did her, then she stood and I did her from behind. There isnt a lot of room to move. We did it in about 7 minutes, the longer we took, the more suspicious it would look that both of us were gone from our seat. She snuck out first, then I left a few minutes later. We got back to the seats and surveyed the damage. A couple scrapes and bruises, and I had a sore back, but that was it. Not bad!!!!! Not comfortable either, but not bad!!!!

A Postscript to this part of the story: When we got to LA, we had a short layover before her flight to Idaho and my flight to Austin. I wanted to get her number, but she would only give me her email. I kept pressing for it and she finally confessed that she was engaged!!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!! The wedding was in less than a month. I actually felt a little used!!! That feeling lasted for a few minutes than it disappeared. I did talk to her a couple of times and we email from time to time. I wish her the best!!!

The last time I did the Mile High Club was a few years ago flying from Chicago to Mexico City. I was flying with a girl who was going to visit her cousins and grandparents in Mexico. I was going to take a little vacation. You could say we wereFuck-Buddies We would get together every once in a while and just have wild, kinky sex. It was great. Anyway, it was much the same as the first sex episode. We snuck back to the bathrooms and did it. This time, we went a little long and took about 10 or 12 minutes. I went out first and a stewardess was there, outside the door. She just smiled and winked. Then said You know the back couple of rows could hear you two slamming against the door and I think I heard a scream. I was frickin Embarrassed!! I went back to the seat and the people sitting across the aisle from us were just smiling and chuckling. Teresa came a minute or two later and the first thing she said was I think everyone knows!!! It was so embarrassing, but now, it is hilarious as hell. I still talk to Teresa and we always reminisce about that episode.

So, finally, my advice for joining the Mile-High Club
1. Sit near the back of the plane
2. Wait until you are sure no one is back there in the bathrooms or waiting for them.
3. Go a few minutes apart.
4. Do it, and get out of there. 5 minutes is an ideal amount of time. Longer and you risk suspicion.
5. Remember, it is close quarters. The two times I did it in the lavoratory, I walked away with bruises and scrapes.
6. Exit separately, and if someone is waiting, tell them you were helping your kid in the bathroom and they are still in there. Hopefully, the other stall will open up before your chica comes out and they can use that one.
7. If you get caught, so what!!! Last I knew, there was no law against having sex in the bathroom of an airplane. ENJOY!!!

GOOD LUCK ROD!!! Hope you two get inducted.

Good News!!! I will be around for a long time

I was reading Men's Health online (Why? I still have no idea!!!) There was an article about living longer and they referred to the November 2005 issue of Men's Health. According to them: "Researchers discovered that men who ejaculated frequently between the ages of 20 and 50 were at markedly lower risk of developing prostate cancer. [Also,] Men in their 20s who ejaculated at least five times a week were one-third less likely to develop aggressive prostate cancer during their mature years."

Whew!! No prostrate cancer for me. I guess I may have a shot to live to at least 120 years old!!! I just hope I am having sex into my 100's. They way things are going now, there will be some super viagra around by that time!!!