International Skin Flicks

Last night was a boy's poker night. As usual, we got together, played some cards, drank a lot of beer, and talked about sports, sex, and women. The conversation quickly turned to porn.

As many of you know, I was once a purveyor of porn. I have seen my share of Jenna Jameson getting her boobs squirted on or Chasey Lain getting banged by Ron Jeremy and Peter North. Unfortunately, I have not been watching a lot of porn as of late. I don't have time, nor the desire since, after awhile, it all becomes the same.

Anyway, I spent much of the 90's traveling abroad. I have been all over Asia and South America. One thing that these two areas have in common is a plethora of pirated videos, many of them pornos. I have had the good fortune to experience international porn. A couple of the other guys had also spent some time abroad and had seen their fair share of skin flicks from around the world as well.Here are some of our observations.

Thai porn - insufficient breast footage (maybe because there are not too many big breasted chicks in Thailand), Seems very rehearsed and unnatural. Cheap sets. A huge interest in She-Male porn. Much of the mainstream porn included at least the appearance of a transsexual or transvestite.

Indian porn - too much story, too little action; the music was very distracting, It seemed like the actresses were more concerned with actually acting rather than the sex. Like they would be found by some Bollywood producer.

Japanese porn - unhappy pissed off looking girls, odd fetishes. Too many knee-high sock and bukkake issues. Also, lots of bondage

French porn - hairy girls, always trying to look art-house. Nice lingerie and costumes though

German porn - very high quality, very dirty, hot girls. The girls would do anything. They would be peed on, shat on, forced to drink the cum of 20 men. Weird stuff. The Mercedes-Benz of filth.

East Euro porn - even hotter girls, no story or plot, just porn. It went from one scene straight to another. No lead in.

American porn - the gold standard. Thanks to everyone in the San Fernando Valley.

Italian porn - I think Italian porn was the best. The girls were the hottest, the sex scenes were beautifully shot, there was some decent acting, and the settings were elaborate. They treat it like a big time production. Very well done Italy.

My Fetish

"Fetish" is such an over-used iword, especially when used in non-sexual situations. This has really messed up the use of a good word for me. Girls will say "I have a purse fetish." or a "shoe fetish" or something like that. If a girl says she has a shoe fetish, it means one thing. If a guy has a shoe fetish, we all know that it has a TOTALLY different meaning

Anyway, I've decided to admit my fetish...right here for all of you readers. You will learn of my dirty fetish!!

I have a woman fetish. I love to look at women... whether it's tight jeans and a form-fitted shirt, tank tops, bikinis, THONGS, short skirts, long skirts, shorts, capri pants, cut-off blouses, dresses, whatever.... sometimes you can just see the sexiness the woman carries with her. It's sad, really how bad my fetish has become. I'll have lunch with my friend JT (who, like me is a dude) and we'll be talking and a woman will walk by and I'll have a hard time keeping my focus on our conversation. You know, I try sp hard to be subtle, and I think most of the time I am, but there's something about high heels and one of those sexy skirts or form fitting pants on the right girl that is just hard to look away from. I think that most women either know they are hot and get a lot of looks, therefore avoid looking around for fear of seeing the creepy guys that are checking them out, or they are totally oblivious to the fact that they are being admired, both near and far.

There is something to be said about just the sight of a beautiful woman who obviously cares about her looks (not vain....just cares) and is not afraid to leave a little eye candy out there for the rest of us to admire.

Pregnant and Glowing!!!

This is some chick named Katie Price. I guess she is a celeb in the UK. Anyway, she knows how to flaunt it while pregnant.

I don't know why, but I am turned on by pregnant chicks!! I love it. I guess I am a little like Alan on Two and a Half Men. When he was going crazy over the maid's pregnant daughter.

I have two kids, so I have been there. The belly grows and so does my level of horniness. I see a pregnant hottie and wild fantasies run through my head. I think it is the glow that pregnant ladies give off.

I Love Soccer!!!

ENOUGH SAID!!

What a Fridge!!!

I dont know about you, but that is my kind of fridge. The only thing in it is beer and whipped cream.

What? What did you say? A girl in a thong?... Oh yeah, I see that now. That isn't bad either.

Free Advice Fridays

Dear E: Whenever my girlfriend gets drunk, she's all over her roommate. Her roommate's a girl also, which seems pretty cool, but she's sometimes so busy making out with and feeling up her roomie she almost forgets I'm in the room. I used to think it was for show, but she does it even when it's just the three of us hanging out. Should I be nervous that my girlfriend's gonna switch teams on me?

Buddy, the only thing you should be concerned about is that she might start feeling up her roomie and you're not around to see it. Honestly, who the fuck complains that his girlfriend makes out with other hot young women? I know many guys who would kill to be in your position, and most would be trying to find a way to take it all to the next level, scheming some bizarre scenario involving a kiddie pool full of whipped cream, dog leashes, fireworks, leather straps and masks, Crisco oil, cheerleader outfits and a full-on game of "twister." You should be, too. And if you're not taking it upon yourself to film it all to share with your buddies later, then you're not much of a friend at all. Get with the program Dude!!

The Lovely Miss Hilton

I think Paris must have picked up a case of the crabs!!! What a classy lady.