Top Ten Worst Porn Titles

I have been sifting through things that I had posted on my previous website, trying to decide what I should post here and what I should just get rid of. I found this gem! A friend had emailed me a list of the worst porn movie titles in history. He claimed that they were the title of real movies (Probably very low budget with ugly drug addicted skanks filming them to make a buck for their next hit). I did some checking around ( mostly with some of my sick perverted friends) and they could verify that several of them were indeed real movies. I got this email about 7 years ago, so I do not remember which ones they claim are real. although I think #1,2, and 10 were for sure real. You may have seen this list. Anyway, they have some nasty ones.

Top ten worst porn titles

1. Crack Whores of America

Nothing has been left to the imagination here; what you see is exactly what you get - freebasing hookers from the USA. Apparently, one of the stars is a toothless, smelly tramp of a junkie who gets jiggy with many of the leading ladies. I'm not sure if there is a market out there for this kind of thing but I've heard of everything now.

2. Dude, where's my dildo?

I had the fear that this was something I would do well to avoid due to the suggestive title but I couldn't help but wonder if it really was...or if it wasn't? After much searching on Google, it was apparent that it wasn't what I thought it was. It was lesbian porn. Question - do any lesbians refer to each other as "dude"? That's really fucking bugging me now.

3. Ultra Kinky ..79 - Bowlin' in her Colon

While it may have a witty edge to it's title, it really did make me spew my guts all over the keyboard. That really is one of the sickest titles I have ever heard of in my life. I would say it was the sickest but I'd be lying. This is the sickest...

4. Dead Men Don't Wear Rubbers

Enough said. Moving on...

5. Let's play Anal Twister

I wonder if someone has actually suggested this to Ann Summers / Victoria's Secret. You can imagine this sitting happily amongst some kinky lover's bedroom paraphernalia. Not really the sort of game your bring out at Christmas to play with the family but a very interesting game nonetheless.

6. The fat, the bald and the ugly

At last. Porn that has some dignity. Fuck Hollywood rip offs and tacky plot outlines. You just need some balding greaseball to get you off. Hell, it would probably a lot more erotic than this badass motherfucker. Too bad this title is already taken now. What will Ron Jeremy do in about 15 years. He already is fat and ugly.

7. Airtight Granny

Right, I just spewed in my mouth and killed myself in the process. That is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. This is not MILF...this is GILF. Is that a recognised acronym? It should be...and it should be avoided like the plague.

8. Willie Wanker and the Fudge Packing Factory

Someone please enlighten me as to whether or not it was this particular movie that was responsible for Oompa Loompa porn. I really need to know. Man, that title really is the funniest thing ever. Even if you don't like porn, you should buy a copy. It would make charming conversation at your next soiree.

9. Big, brown, bomb BOO-YOW booty, Brazilian bitches.

Someone, somewhere has a database of porn and on this database, there are all the usual categories. Asian, Lesbian, Group, Bondage, Airtight Grannies, Oompa Loompa etc. but I have the distinct feeling that the above title is not listed on said database. Does anyone else get the impression that people are just making shit up as they go along?

10. Shaving Ryan's Privates

Call it a hunch, but this is more than likely gay porn about a bunch of guys who shave each others nether regions. Just call it a hunch. Rest assured, I'll be avoiding this one just as much as the others and if it wasn't for the titles, I'd demand they all get burned at the stake.

I hope you enjoyed yourselves.

PS: Please make some comments or add any movies you know of to the list.