Living With a Stripper -- What I Think It Would Be Like

I wrote this one back in 1991. I was trying to figure out what it would be like to live with a stripper. I was just starting to hang around Strip clubs in Austin, Dallas, and San Antonio. Little did I know I would date a few strippers later in life. I even lived with two.

Soon, I will post a blog about what it was like to actually live with a stripper. You can compare my preconceptions with reality. Enjoy!!

LIVING WITH A STRIPPPER -- MY THOUGHTS ON HOW IT WOULD BE



Not that I can ever say that I've lived with a stripper, or even dated one before, but my imagination is quite remarkable, and I could only imagine what it would be like to date a stripper.

The fact that she would work late hours is, of course, inevitable. Coming home at 4:00 am when you have to work at 8, wanting to chat and be held. She would explain what a rough night of work she had, how her ass simply didn't look as good as it normally does, and how she just didn't give the audience enough boobies in the face like she's used to.

But while she wasn't at work, what would life be like? I mean, would she want to dance on the table every morning for breakfast?

I think that having any kinds of tables in the house would definitely promote behavior you may not want on a constant basis. Every hour, she would be on the coffee table stripping, forcing you to give up your single bills. You would take out the kitchen table, only to find her on top of the end table. She would constantly be telling you, "honey, don't you think a fire pole would look great here?"

You would have to stop by the bank more often to make sure you had plenty of singles on you. You would always be asking your buddies, "hey, I'll give you a ten for ten singles," or "hey, you got any singles on you." In fact, it would trickle down to the fact that your friends will always save their singles for you.

That AC/DC and other heavy metal that you love so much is out. No more of that. You couldn't play that music without her jumping up and starting to remove her clothes. Which brings us to another point....your buddies would come over and, while your not looking, put the music on. Your girlfriend's Pavlovian instincts would take over and, boom, there she is on the coffee table again.

Of course, there could be an upside. I mean, it would be great to have a girlfriend confident enough to strip for you every night. You would know that a couple of dollars in your pocket, and an AC/DC CD would definitely get you in the mood, if nothing else.